Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
