the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
