My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
