maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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