I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
