Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
