you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
