He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
