speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
