I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
