Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
