I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
