i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
