I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
