and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
