i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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