We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
