you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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