I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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