He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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