I hate your face
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
