Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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