That's when you crack a 10am beer
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
