I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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