Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
