True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
