Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
