Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just pee around me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
