i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i now understand why vodka
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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