So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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