maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
