Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
