I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
