There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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