That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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