I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
