and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
