why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
