The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
