i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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