I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
