If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
