So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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