when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
