You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
