He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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