Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
