i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
