what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
