I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
