But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
