Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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