Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
