I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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