we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
