shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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