a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
