i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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