He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize