i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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