that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
