eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
