1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
