pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
