Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
