look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
