have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
