Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
