the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize