Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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