I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
