I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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