I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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