thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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