When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
