If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
